Monday, August 24, 2009

A Little Baggage

Please excuse my emotional instability...
I love R - no matter what I say or how I act towards him. But, I fear that I'm in that phase where I'm trying to push him away to see if he'll stay. And, truth be told, I hate it. I want to get over it - if that's what it truly is.

We've been together for 1 year, 6 months, 11 days. I'm very proud of that. It's the longest relationship I've had and by far the best!! From the moment I met him, we had a special connection. {{We met on a snow day, which is significant to me because I was born during a freak snow "storm" in March of 1987.}}

But, I want to laugh with him again. I don't want to be annoyed by simple little things and then start a fight because of it, which even I know is ridiculous. I want him to consider me "fun." I don't want to be the boring girl who sits at home at night. I want to be the girl that goes out to a bar at night to grab a drink.

I know I have anxieties toward trying new things, but I've been out to a club - sans R and with R. Neither were that great. I'm slightly claustrophobic. {{Thanks, Mom!!}} But, maybe if I started slow, like at a nice, clean bar in an open, classy place??

I don't know. I think I'm just rambling. Shame on me for drinking a Long Island Ice Tea tonight. {{You can thank it for my whiny-ness.}}

But, really, we have good conversations, and there's no doubt that I absolutely, positively, without a single doubt in my mind love him!! I just want us to stop saying what we don't like about each other. I want us to be happier - like we were when we began dating...when I did the cooking and laundry for him and he spoiled me with little trinkets.

Any suggestions???

I totally plan on marrying him still, and I know a relationship takes work...but I want it to be better than it is right now. {{Maybe the stress of not having jobs is/was taking a toll on us??}}

Whatever the case my be...what can you suggest to make it better??


  1. Sassy,

    Take a breath. In. Now out.

    OK. You are who you are. Clearly R knows who you are - bar or no bar. He proposed knowing you are not a bar person. Kudos to you for trying or for being open to options.

    What I've found so far in my MANY relationships (you were born a year before I graduated high school, which is just WEIRD) and my ultimate engagement to The Candyman is this: you both will change. Your life will change. Things will be awesome and things will suck. You've made a commitment to each other that you want to be with the person you love the most through thick and thin. Your relationship will wax and wane. It's what you do in those low moments that count.
    You can't go back, but you can rekindle and start new traditions. Laundry, cooking and trinkets are SO last year. ;)
    I read somewhere recently that you marry the person you agree to court for the rest of your life! :)
    Now, if what I've written helps, awesome. If not, don't listen to me. I don't have a clue. ;)

    What I'm saying is don't worry, doll.

  2. #1: Louise is just about as awesome as they come
    #2: I hear you. we go through the same phases. It's been a little longer (4 years), but I definitely understand what you're saying
    #3: It's a great idea to "always date your husband", someone told me that once (random girl at a bachelorette)
    #4: When you figure out how to do that let me know.